I Still Love Him Dearly But Where Has My Gung-ho-ness For Church Gone?

As much as I dislike asking myself this question, “Not going to church this weekend arr?”, I ask it anyway. And it’s not because this question has hit me numerous times in the face but mainly because I don’t (really) have a decent answer for it.

Thing is... I was attending Youth and going to church regularly at one point of my life... but then, something happened and suddenly I realized that church was no longer a part of my weekends. And every time I urge myself, “You’ll make a point to go back to church this weekend, ‘kay?” …When the weekend comes, I just… don’t.

I’m not saying I have completely disconnected myself from Him, ‘cause I haven’t, and probably never will. I still have Him in my life and in my heart, we talk, I say my prayers, I say grace before I eat and stuff liddat, y’know, it’s just that I don’t attend church anymore. So is that like a ‘bad thing’? I mean like, (if it ain’t ‘bad’ or sinful even) then how is it that I personally know (spirited-churchy) people who have stopped talking to me just because I have not been attending church and cell?

Plus, it’s not like I’m dodging church on purpose. I like church, I like getting hyped ‘bout Him and whatnot but I have no freaking idea why I have yet to step foot into church this year. Believe it or not, I haven’t been to church this whole year! I know!! >.<

“A whole freaking year, Ru?”
“Yup!” *lip biting*
[Awkward silence.]

Argh… Have you ever been in a situation where although you are in a room crowded with people (be it strangers and or acquaintances), you somehow STILL feel lonely and a li'l 'lost' even? I mean, you can be like literally standing in (more like with) a group of people and yet still feel somewhat lonesome. And as you take a glance across the room, everyone just seem so 'at home' and like they understand what's going on but there you are, feeling so forlornly alone and stumped (as if like you are the only one who feels that way) and somehow, in some strange way, you just can’t tell anyone in that room how you really feel.
Well, THAT’S how I feel, more often than not, when I’m in church. (Mind ju, this applies to both the churches I’ve attended ever since I’ve moved to KL.)

Guess that’s probably why I don’t mind NOT going to church sometimes. Call that a poor reason for not being there… Idc.

I stumbled upon this quote and it caught my attention:
“Perhaps you ask: “What if it is not possible for me to attend Church?” Well, why can’t you attend? Is it because of sports, irregular work, sickness, or is it due to laziness, a lack of desire or what people might think or say? Perhaps you have been disappointed by people. Such things happen far too often, but these are not valid reasons for failing to seek and find a true Church and worship the Lord! If a doctor disappointed you, you do not give up going to doctors. Seek and ye shall find!”

It’s strange lorr how I use to have an overwhelming gung-ho-ness for such things, many things in my live back when I was younger… but as I grow older, I slowly discover that I have lost interest in oh so many things, most of which I once had great passion for.

So, is it or is it not a sin if one doesn’t attend church?

I know it’s healthy to attend church and we are strongly encouraged to do so as attending church is an expression of our love for Him and it builds up our spiritual strength. On top of that it provides fellowship with other Christians and is like an act of obedience to God.

Then again, must we be in church to praise, thank and worship Him? Why can’t one just do it from wherever we are? They often say; “He is everywhere.” …There you go. IF He is everywhere, then why must one be IN church just so one can have fellowship with Jesus Christ and have his/her prayers answered?

Nonetheless, I’m still working on it. Come 2008, I’mma gonna try and make it work (somehow).